Today

Today. Today is the day that my life changed 10 years ago. Today is the day that I dread each and every year. What is it about anniversarys? Today is the day that I get to reflect on my life. To decide if my Dad would be proud of my choices, my plans, my goals, my life. Today is the day I can be grateful. 10 years ago on this day I was not grateful. I was a barely teenage girl struggling. I didn't understand. I didn't see the big picture. I asked "Why" more times than I like to admit. I couldn't see the big picture. I couldn't possibly have imagined 10 years into the future to this day. Today 1 decade, 10 years, 120 months, 3650 days after the passing of my father I am grateful.

Me 10 years ago

Wow a lot has changed...

I am grateful for my family. For my mom. She is one of the strongest women I know. I can't even comprehend losing Tyler and caring for four children alone. We have had ups and downs, fights and struggles but I am so thankful for this woman and all she has taught me.

I am grateful for my sisters. This experience has brought us closer. No one understands me like my sisters. They are and always will be my best friends. I am so thankful for the men they have chosen as husbands. It is not an easy task to join this family and they have both conquered it.

I am grateful for Tyler. I like to believe that he was put into my life with a joint effort from my Dad and my Father in Heaven. He knew me before this day and he knew me after. He loved me anyway. He came to visit at the time and has been willing to listen and dry my tears for the many years since. I don't know where I would be without him.

I am grateful for Quinn. The love I have for that little girl is uncomprehendable. She is such a blessing. Every time I look into those big blue eyes I know where she got them from and that her Grandpa is looking down on us and we will see him again.

I am grateful for friends. Old and new. My friends from high school are amazing. I knew anyone of them would be there for me at the drop of a hat. Most of them still remember this day and contact me in someway. The girls I have met since moving away from home have helped me to grow into the mother and wife I am. Their love, encouragement and friendship is priceless.

I am grateful for coaches, teachers, church leaders. These men and women stepped into my life at a time when I needed them. I didn't struggle, because of their love and support for me. I'm sure they will never truly know how much they changed me.

I am grateful for the gospel. I am so thankful for the temple, for eternal families and for a knowledge that death isn't the end. I am thankful for church leaders who are inspired to provided blessings and advice. I am grateful for the atonement. To know that my Saviour has felt what I am feeling and understands my pain is the most comforting feeling.

Quinny visiting her Grandpa for the first time

The 3 grandkids

I could not have imagined this is where I would be. Living in Edmonton, married for 5 years, a child, a dog, graduated from nursing school. I like to think my Dad would be proud of me. Of my whole family. A lot has changed in 10 years and a lot more will change in the next 10. But nothing will ever change the fact that Today changed me. It made me who I am.

I love you Dad.